Reality is setting in slowly, and time is speeding up towards a goal…Big life changing events…I always find myself counting down the years/months/weeks/days…and having had four kids, well, let’s say I’m getting quite good at counting down the seconds until the next life changing event/adventure. This one though…it’s daunting. More daunting than having four kids. Maybe because the reality of the responsibility of said event is felt a bit wider than our inner circle. But me being the introvert that I am, can’t really comprehend how this event would really affect those outside of this little circle of ours. I would certainly hope it affects people, but I’m convinced that that’s got more to do with my amazing husband and spectacular children. Me…well, let’s just say I believe it would affect more people if I stayed…like my husband and kids would be affected if I stayed…and if I went. Not so sure about anyone else really. My day to day interactions with people are limited to my children most of the time…and my husband. I’m not saying I don’t have friends that I truly love and miss and would love to sit and have a cuppa or vino with…but not to the extend that it would be life changing…The friends I do have – well, let’s just say that we can go years without seeing each other and when we do it’s like we just saw each other yesterday. Real friends. The ones you know you’ll always love and talk to and hang out with, no matter how old you get, how long it goes without seeing or talking to. The ones you are truly you with and they know you. There’s no pretense or unfamiliarity. There’s just truth and love. Those are the friends I do have and know that they’re not really affected by this – well, not to the extend that it’s life changing for them…So no. That’s not why it’s daunting.
So maybe it’s the finality of it? But it’s not a finality really…I mean, it’s a 5 year plan right now…which is yes longer than we’ve ever planned ahead. Ok, besides marriage and having kids, I mean that’s a lifelong plan…but I mean a plan for our and our childrens’ future. Besides having them, it’s tough raising kids. They keep changing. I suppose some people call it growing. It’s just fascinating to watch these little beings become more or less like yourself and your better half. My second eldest is a prime example of that. I realised that I got her figured out a bit later than my husband had her figured out…but you see he understood her previous “stage” or “phase” because he saw a lot of himself in her. And now as she’s entering a new “phase” of her growth I see more of myself in her than before. And she’s got me figured out! Which is amazing to me, because she’s known me for only 7 years…some people have known me for a lot longer and still don’t get me! 🙂 She has finally figured out where the line is, which buttons does what and for about 90% of the time she puts that knowledge to good use in dealing with me. But that’s not the topic…the finality…no. It’s not a final plan…it’s a 5 year plan, to explore a new way of thinking, a new way of living. Living and raising our family together. In one house for the most part. As a unit. And after 5 years. Well, then we’ll make the next plan, for the next 5 or 10 years…who knows. We might start planning ahead. Or we might not. I mean, I can’t tell the future. I can just live each day/week/month/year as it happens and trust that we are moving in the right direction. That we are doing the best, ABSOLUTE best for our kids, in a way that works for all of us in our little family.
And this brings me to the daunting bit I think. The right direction. What is the right direction? I guess that all really depends on your morals, your beliefs, your faith, your ‘north’. It’s dangerous these days to talk about our beliefs and faith without feeling that we might be judged for it. Everyone has rights! And we will judge you for using those rights! People shout hate-crime or hate-speech every time someone voices their beliefs to someone that doesn’t share those beliefs. So, suffice it to say that there are always differing beliefs within groups of people, but throughout this process my belief in God and His calling and His hand upon our decisions and within our lives have just been confirmed each step of the way.
And as I sit here typing this, an e-mail comes in, confirming that my and the kids visas have all been approved. Unbelievable. I’ve lost count of the amount of little miracles we’ve experienced in this process. We only applied for our visas the day before yesterday. It normally takes up to 25 days to process. And we heard back in ONE day! So all these little miracles just adds up to solidify that we are moving in the right direction. Which is daunting – but mostly so exciting!!!! So yes. Adventure awaits. In a new country, with a different way of being and doing. And we are saddened by the thoughts of leaving friends and family behind, but we are excited to live this life as a family unit. After 9 years of parenting, 12 years of marriage, countless moves back and forth from city to city within South Africa, we have finally found a place where we can focus on our family, whilst still pursuing our passions for our chosen careers.